Marking Time

 ‎"Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever." - Mark Twain

New Year's Eve is just another marker of time.  We like to mark time.  We like periods of rebirth.  It allows us a second chance.  A chance to forget our trespasses.  A chance to reinvent ourselves.  And whether New Year's is really just another day on the calendar or not, for many it is that chance at redemption. 

Personally, this coming year marks a huge passage of time.  I will turn forty in August.  I have begun reflecting on the past decade and asking the standard array of questions. Am I where I thought I would be?  Have I lived well?  Have I accomplished things I am proud of?

To answer those question I have to go to the start, my 30^th birthday.  I was finishing my English degree at the University of Houston and getting ready to start my teaching career.  A real grown up job.  You see, until this point, I was by and large, a big kid.  I floated from job to job with no clear idea of who or what I wanted to be.  I worked in a bookstore; I toured with Bill and Tek's Excellent Theater; I sporadically ran my own photography business; I mixed oils at an aromatherapy company; I filed medical records at a cardiologist's office; I was a receptionist at an architecture firm.  In essence, I lacked focus.  Do I regret squandering away my twenties?  Not one bit. 

I had a blast. 

I made mistakes.  I dated the wrong guys. I lived in crappy apartments and had chunks of plaster fall on me while I showered.  I formed lasting friendships with amazing people.  I learned never to drink a Car Bomb at the end of a night of drinking.  I met my future husband.  I stayed up all night gaming.  I drove twenty-four hours to LA to stay less than forty-eight hours and head back home again.  I danced until my feet hurt and laughed until my sides split. 

I wouldn't trade one minute. 

When I turned thirty, I was ready.  I was ready to start a new decade and put the confusing mess of my twenties behind me.  I was more self-assured.  I was confident.  I began teaching and found a love I never knew I had.  I got married.  I had my first child.  I traveled.  I went to Jamaica, Scotland, New York, Colorado, and Florida.  I had my second child.  I became a stay-at-home mom.  I started writing my novel.  I fostered traditions with friends and family that I will cherish forever.  I danced with my children until my feet hurt and laughed until my sides split.

So am I where I thought I would be?  Yes and no.

My thirty-year-old self would have said, "Yes.  Most definitely, yes!"  She would be exactly where I am today.

But my twenty-year-old self, I would have said, "No way!"  She would have been living in New York doing theater.

And if you went even farther back to my ten-year-old self?  She would have said, "I am going to be a writer and have a family.  One boy and one girl."  She knew better than I who I was to become.  If only I would have listened to her sooner, but then, I wouldn't be where I am today. 

Some years are better than others and 2011 was my best year yet, both personally and creatively.  There are many things I hope to accomplish this year.  I am not a big resolution maker, but I do set goals for myself.  Last year, I vowed to start my novel.  This year, I vow to finish my second draft and start the process of finding an agent.

In ten years, I will reflect on my forties and say, "That is the decade I became a published author and had my first best-seller."

I wish you all the best in 2012.  May your year be full of laughter and love and joy! 

-Kristi